Joanna Newsom gig review. Budapest/29Jan

My ex-girlfriend hated Joanna Newsom. What’s most ironic is the fact that she absolutely hated her voice. Yes, her divine voice. Can you believe it? I don’t know how I did it, but once I listened to Joanna’s Ys at home and during that we’re fucked. It is true that sex with me takes about three minutes, which is only about one third of the average Joanna’s song, but it was long enough to cause nightmares to my ex. So when I found that Joanna will be playing in Budapest at the end of January, and I realized that I could listen to her music uninterrupted for more than ten minutes without listening some oh-no-creepy-childish-annoying-voice-again comments, I immediately bought a ticket.

Me, Franzfish (a man who is responsible for SoundWatching blog and who turns his scrobbler off in the evenings to listen to Falco – if you’re so lucky and you don’t know who he was – don’t try to find it out) and Klara, one of my female friend, who never said more than one word in two hours, went on road around 1 o’clock. Before we arrived in Brno, I lost the bet, which was about who was the coach of Czech national football team in 1996. Now I have to buy for Franzfish a life-sized bust for his 30-birthday. (It was Vaclav Nemecek, if you want to win bust)

In Brno Noneto joined us. It’s hard to describe him. He is a man who make a shit in front of his mom in kitchen in his eighteen. It speaks for itself thought. He is also multi-instrumentalist who can not play any musical instrument, retard, poet, sperm donor and… policeman. Noneto said that he has a friend, who robbed gas station. Now he’s in prison. His father bought him LCD and bring him Prison Break on dvd. We almost crashed. Then he spoke only about semen, vomit, feces and other romantic things. Klára, my tongue-tied friend was very glad when he sit beside her.I asked her if she’s ok with that and she said yes (so she run out her speaking limit for next two hours).

In Hungary (for US readers: it is a country in which is Budapest. Yes, Budapest is city, not continent) was so cold. Not a pleasant cold, but fucking cold. So cold, that if you shit outdoor, your shit would be changed in lolly before reaching the ground. On the other hand, if you just piss, your hands were shaking so much that you also masturbated at the same time. I know what you think right now – this is the best gig review I’ve ever read.

At six o’clock we were already in Budapest, just right on time, because our GPS just started playing the game “I do not care where you are, but here is your destination, hahaha “. Anyway, Budapest is a beautiful city. They have electricity, lights, trams, cars, microwaves, houses and shit, as in other developed countries! After small wandering we found our goal, Béla Bartók National Concert hall. Oh God, jokes aside, this venue is amazing! I admit that I haven’t checked who designed the building, but the man deserves at least a blowjob from Gehry.

Inside was a lot of Hungarians and a lot of signs in Hungarian, which was not surprising when you realize that we are in Hungary. I had purchased tickets online so I had printed them on a self-service terminal, which was a bit of a problem, because it was only in hungarian language. Some good-hearted employee tried to explain it to me, but in Hungarian. Here is important to say that hungarian sounds like a drunk irishman trying to imitate speech of gummi bears while fucking a sheep. I did not understand a single word he said to me, so I politely smiled at him and said Szeretlek, which means I love you, but it was only hungarian word I know.

Because I had three extra tickets and I knew that 3 cocksuckers who told me a week before the concert they’re not going will pay for them, instead of selling it I gave them to a nice brunette for free. Karma, right? With retarded Noneto by my side I felt like Jason Lee in My name is Earl.

We had a few minutes to spare, so we decided to go somewhere to drink, but we didn’t have a hungarian money, so we just use their toilet for free. I asked Clare if she is nervous that in a moment she’ll see her favorite artist. She said “Yes”. Amazing. Meanwhile, Noneto’s friend accompanied us. He goes by train all the way from the Czech Republic, because he has train for free, because his wife works as a conductor, which is the only reason why he is staying with her. In return he pays higher child support. You regret that you weren’t with us, don’t you?

And now finally comes the serious ( well…) part of this review:

Béla Bartók National Concert Hall is masterpiece of Russell Johnson, a top specialist who conducted well over fifty years of research in this field and participated in the construction of several top opera houses and concert halls. Russell has done an excellent job here, which is confirmed by the fact that almost from the moment of its inauguration, the concert hall was ranked among the top five in the world.

Photo by Piotr Lewandowski

 

Usually I’m not interested in who proposed sound solutions blah blah, but in this case the sound was the ultimate hi-fi orgasm. All the minimalistic arrangements were precise, smooth, soft. When Morgan waved his hands over cymbal, you’ve clearly heard the tremors, the last tongues of sound. Goose bumps.

As you already understand from the previous sentence, Joanna wasn’t on stage alone that evening. Of course, the biggest boffin was Francesconi,guy who take care of arrangements and production of her last album. He played the flute, banjo, mandolin, guitar and other 15 000 instruments. I bet everything, that if someone threw a chicken on stage, he could play anything from Led Zepp by using her wings. Drums and percussion: Neal Morgan, trombone: Andy Strain. Then there were two violinists/backing vocalist, really cannot remember their names, but I know that one of them was wearing pajamas.

We sat in the fourth row, which was great, but somehow I did not realize that a harf players have harp in front of them, so they are practically invisible from one side of auditorium. But Noneto was in right angle and he saw Joanna’s underwear (white) twice! (this is a 4D show Kylie Minoque, you greedy cunt) I only saw Not-in-pajamas violinist underwear (dark blue) when she did Basic Instinct moves.

Back to the concert. Joanna began with the song Bridges and Balloons, which is great, but her debut album has been already signed by the ravages of time. And in comparison with her laters albums looks like an innocuous beginning. But immediately afterwards she played Have one on me and I was completely hooked. Her voice was even better than on studio recordings. It was absolutely fascinating, how she plays with her voice, twisted in every second, until it became another instrument. Then Joanna moved to the piano, played Easy, one of the most fragile songs ever written. At this point I started to think that she is an angel. I know, no boobs, mad taste in clothes, but damn her music is so intensive!

Next song was the highlight of the evening. Cosmia. Cosmia as well as other songs was coated with fine arrangements that give it greater depth. And when she approached the song’s finish in which Joanna shout I miss your precious heart, I know I shouldn’t admit that,  but I completely shit my pants. The rest of the setlist was a balanced compromise between her older stuff and HOOM shit.

I can’t describe how it was fragile and wonderful. Joanna played the harp and piano, both confidently, without a single mistake. I saw Muse live for four times (hey, they were great in their OoS era!), but I can honestly say, every second of this concert was more epic than all of their shows together.

After the concert we went home right away. I asked Klára how she liked it, she said: “It was amazing!” I was surprised, she said three words.

Anyway, you can find setlist here. Also, there are some amazing photos taken by some polish dude.

Result: best voice, best concert hall, best sound = best concert I’ve ever seen.
V novém čísle Full Moonu, který vychází za pár dní najdete naprosto jinou a naprosto seriózní recenzi. V češtině. A s obrázkem.